Simplified, but still...
<?php if (!function_exists('file_put_contents')) { function file_put_contents($filename, $data) { $f = @fopen($filename, 'w'); if (!$f) { return false; } else { $bytes = fwrite($f, $data); fclose($f); return $bytes; } } } ?>
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Meanwhile, hit me up on twitter @stoyanstefanov